Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Offseason Rumors, Part One


There are currently rumors swirling about over the signing of Carl Everett (left). This news is not only of grave concern to this humble writer, but almost entirely without merit. Carl Everett, despite having just played for the world champion Chicago White Sox, is not what I would call a player that fits in with the Seattle Mariners team image. For one thing, the Mariners tend to go for marketable players like Ichiro (mysterious Japanese superstar), Willie Bloomquist (spunky local kid with a heart of gold) and Richie Sexson (hero to DUI survivors everywhere) on their roster. A guy with Everett's checkered past simply does not fit. M's fans, homosexuals and dinosaurs everywhere need not worry.

Friday, August 26, 2005

King Felix


So this is Felix Hernandez. In his first four starts as a Mariner he has allowed approximately a very small amount of runs. Furthermore, his fastball can be described as "really goddamn fast" and his curveball can be easily described as "holy shit." He will be on the mound today against Orlando Hernandez (no relation) of the Chicago White Sox. I predict that the White Sox, despite their sparkling 77-47 record will score somewhere between -2 and -47 runs. This is my prediction. Don't let the baseball know-it-alls like Rob Neyer try to tell you that it's not possible for a team to score a negative amount of runs. This is Felix Hernandez we're talking about here! I mean, look at his hair! Look at it.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Welcome to Down With the Ship

Hi and welcome to my Seattle Mariners journal. This is the first post and as of right now I still have no idea what this website will be about. Enjoy!